So, did they not have a test panel to find out? Because there was nothing about applying it to the genitals in the commercial. And the producers of that pen should know it’s the first thing many men would be curious about. It’s not that I wanna try it, it’s just that, even when sober, it’s a natural – perhaps the most natural of questions for a lot of dudes to wonder – what would it do to my cock or balls?Īs I was mowing and pretending as a pretend writer I know a thing or two about human nature, I realized I should have known all along that is what many men – at least the many men as crude as us – would want to know. Today, a few weeks after I learned about the Hampvana Rocket Relief Tens Pen, I was out mowing the grass and thinking again about what the device might do on the pecker or the ballsack.
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I bet they’ll even throw in a free one if you burn the other one up.” It pains me that it don’t work like it used to and I wonder if that thing might help get it going again.” Old Sturge, maybe because he was the least drunk, had maintained his quick wit, saying, “Well, I got pain from down there. So, unless you got some pain down there, that thing isn’t for play.” I said, “Fellas, it’s for pain relief, not recreation. Both Jerry and I were under the false perception that the muscles’ reactions were due to a mild electrical stimulation, hence, his hesitancy to try it first on the sensitive organ itself. Or, I was too drunk to realize that the tens pen offered pain relief mechanically rather than electronically. Speaking for myself, in hindsight, I was a bit confused and I think the commercial might have been slightly misleading. Jerry said, “I dunno, but I think I’d try it on my ballsack first.”
Within seconds of our understanding of what the Hampvana Rocket Relief Tens Pen did and was for – before they even got to the parts about endorphins or tens technology – Sturge asked us, “What do you think would happen if you put that thing on your pecker?”
In the commercial you could see the device causing the muscles in hands, knees and thighs to pulse and twitch as the tens pen was applied. In the commercial people were shown applying it to their necks and shoulders and knees – even fingers – in order to stimulate and thereby offer some pain relief.
In the commercial, it showed this little device – much like a mini Dremel tool with two little gimmicks that looked like electrodes at the tip – that, when applied to muscles, causes them to spasm and twitch and throb. It was the first time any of us had seen it. Of course, being drunk, we were captivated. We were drunk that late Sunday night and watching whatever was on that western channel when a commercial came on for the Hampvana Rocket Relief Tens Pen. We were drunk and all the football was over, but, when we’re not ready to leave the bar just yet, we usually switch the channel to whatever station shows old cowboy and western shows and we sit around and drink some more.
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It was after all the football games and a full day of eating and drinking through all of them. Many of the films I’d seen but their plots I’ve forgotten. I pull the book off the shelf and begin to skim. Wasting a morning with cheap coffee and poetry, when a book on shelf R9 catches my attention: The Films of the Seventies. Movies Sitting in the library in Chicago. Those same ones will wish you to stay down with them, to lament with them, how Movies Before stopping to catch their breath forever. Some only make it 5 or 6 steps before pausing forever. It’s difficult – if not impossible – climbing all 253 steps. The delicious, satisfying, empty calories of 253 StepsĢ53 Steps There’s 253 steps to get to the top. We’ve got pride for things we’ve been gifted but not earned. We’ve got ethnicity and traditions and culture. We’ve got families and legacies to make us feel big. I opened my eyes, and she was sitting across from me with that cute Bigīig We need things bigger than ourselves to attach ourselves to so we don’t feel small. I closed my eyes again and pretend to ignore. Too much makeup, but otherwise respectfully presented. She was nicely dressed in summer sandals and dress. Woman with Dog She walked past muttering to her cute little dog. “I still take my man for a hundred bucks.” Even though his fighter Woman with Dog A kid at the bar wants to make a $100 bet on the challenger, who’s also the heavy underdog.
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